Indian men are a unique breed. Yes, there are several clichés you get
to hear about Indian men, and though most of them are true, you can
never quite understand them fully. Dating Indian men, on the other hand,
is a whole different story. Tricky and dangerous at the same time, here
are 20 things you must know about dating an Indian man.
1. The looks:
When it comes to Indian men, it is hard to differentiate between a
glance and a venereal stare. What's more, their eyes are talented enough
to scan a female body within microseconds. Inherently faulty eyeballs?
2. The wooing: Can someone please correct the
definition of wooing for these men? Just for the record, wooing does not
involve cat-calling, ‘that’ creepy smile or talking in a way that makes
it so obvious that our breasts are all that's on your mind!
3. The not-to-smooth moves: We wish Indian men would
buy themselves Dating for Dummies already! Keeping us waiting at a
bus/metro stop, bringing their friends along for support, ordering for
us and going dutch definitely don't make them dating material. And just
because we went on a date, doesn’t mean we've devoted our lives to being
subservient to your feelings and choices!
4. The unrealistic expectations: Yes, we went on a
date with you. Yes, we enjoyed your company. No, it is not all right to
presume that we will sleep with you, marry you and produce offspring for
5. False notions: Men tend to generalise women. We
have a tattoo, enjoy a drink or two and hang out with your friends, so
we must definitely be ‘easy,’ right? Honestly, we don’t know where you
got your education, but you need to go back for some common sense.
6. The talks: "It is not a relationship baby, it’s
‘so’ much more than that." This one is for the oversmart Indian men.
Sure, why don’t you keep believing that we women are stupid enough to
believe all the incessant banter that comes out of your mouth?
7. The 'prince' treatment: Your parents treat you like a prince. Well, guess what. You are not even close!
8. His mother: Nothing and no one ever supercedes
the Indian mother. We might be the prettiest, talented, richest, kindest
people on the planet but we have to be approved by ‘mumma’ first!
9. The smell: Indian men think that body odour is
acceptable. Hence, they do a great job at slaying everything in their
wake. If we placed smelly Indian men in a war zone, the enemy would
automatically surrender before they die from the toxic fumes.
10. The clothing: It is a given fact that Indian men
are among the laziest creatures on the planet. Wearing the same clothes
day after day gives is plain disgusting. To add to our misery, most of
them also recycle their underwear by wearing them inside out. Puke face.
11. The spitting and pissing syndrome:
We've seen men stop their cars in the middle of rush hour traffic, open
their fly, pull out their appendage and piss on the road in full public
view. Honestly, are they expecting a standing ovation?
12. Etiquette: Opening doors, dropping us home,
waiting till we're dressed... are things Indian men are still to learn.
And just so you know, you'd be foolish to expect a 'Please' or 'Thank
13. Sex: Coming from the land of Kama
Sutra, we are ashamed to admit that Indian men know nothing about the
female body, let alone are aware of what to do in bed. Unfortunately for
them, we are not porn stars and that's not how we like to have sex!
14. Anti-friends: Why are they always scared of
meeting our friends? Is it insecurity, ego issues or an inferiority
complex? Be a man and face the fact that we have a life and it's okay to
be involved in it.
15. The possessiveness: Do
not meet your friends, do not go that place, do not work in that office,
do not eat that. Who the heck do they think they are? We really don't
need two dads.
16. His caste: You're both not the same caste, so
it's not working out? Sure! So why doesn’t he quit breathing the same
air too? What, are we living in the 1800s?
17. His background: Just because his father can afford a luxury car doesn’t give him the right to have any girl that catches his fancy.